Did you ever ponder your rambling mind? All of the inane and insane thoughts that run through it at the speed of light, only occasionally pausing on something that is of any significance? No, you say? That's just me? Oh, well, goody for you!
Here's just a sampling of how my mind went this morning:
"Morning (yawn). What day is it? Oh, what the hell difference does it make? It makes a big difference, idiot. Either the Tasmanian Devil has school today or he doesn't. That's a big deal, you know. It means that I get two and a half hours to myself. Oh, who am I trying to kid? I get two and a half hours of doing things I don't want to do. Like therapy. Or grocery shopping. Or therapy."
(Head downstairs to coffee maker). "I really need to just set up a coffee maker upstairs. Well, wait. Liam needs breakfast. Wouldn't it be great to just install a mini kitchen up here?" (coffee made and back upstairs to watch Curious George with Liam).
"Ah, this is nice. I love feeling a warm cup of coffee in my hands and snuggling with my grandson. Would someone shut that damned dog up?!! Where is he? What house? Who lets their dog out to bark at 7 am? Honestly. Let him out to do his business and bring him back in if he's going to act like that. I remember that time when we lived in Boston and I went out on the porch and barked like crazy back at that little Schnauzer who barked like it was his last bark every Saturday morning. That was fun. I had to run and hide when the owner came out. Serves them right. Seriously. I'd like to strangle that thing. Well, no, I'd like to strangle the owner. Oh stop. Why be so evil in the morning. But still. Mean thoughts lead to mean behavior. Oh really? Who the hell said that? I can say whatever I want - IN MY HEAD. Oh stop arguing with yourself. Jeez."
"What a minute! I'm supposed to be at preschool this morning to clean. Oh my God! What time is it? Where is my phone? What time is it? My hair looks like hell. Well, It's not like they've never seen me this way before. Me looking good is what scares them - they're used to me looking like a freak. I should at least run a comb through my hair, brush my teeth. Wear a bra. Poor things. Oh, too bad! They can handle it. Ladies, this is what you have to look forward to someday. Enjoy your nice tight skin and your firm breasts NOW. Sigh. If I hadn't broken that damned toe last year, it wouldn't hurt so much to wear my heels. Dammit, I'm never giving those things up. NEVER. Oh you will when you can't walk, lady. Oh shut the hell up."
Copyright 2012 liamsgrandma