Here is a repeat (oldie but goodie?) blog for you to read while I get my act together and actually start typing all of the things I have written down on receipts, napkins and, yes, a sock....an old one, but a sock nonetheless, because when I woke up at 4 am and couldn't get something out of my head, it was the closest thing I could find without waking the baby....no easy task either - sock material moves when written upon.
Rest assured that I have many things written down on these various materials, but raising a one year old limits my time. That, along with writing articles for a national magazine, working in a law firm, running a pet sitting business and the most difficult task of all: trying to decide what color my hair should be next. So, I promise you, by next week, you'll be reading lots of new material but, for now, please enjoy my spider escapade - again....
The other night, as I lay sleeping in my bed, minding my own business, I woke to something on the back of my neck, nuzzling my hairline. It would be surprising to think my husband had gotten frisky at 4:00 in the morning, especially since his snoring spoke clearly to his disinterest in any kind of romance.
Reaching back, I felt something large and rubbery and, as instinct and reaction would have it, I snatched it, and flung it as hard as I could into the dark. Naturally, what one would hope to have done in an intrusion and violation such as this, would be to have killed the thing, slamming it hard against the wall or even impaling it on one of my high heels.
As kids, we were told the MAY principle or, "They're More Afraid of You than you are of them." More afraid of me? Then why is it that when I am trying to stomp the life out of an "eight-legged hairier than King Kong arachnid the size of a hamster with eyes dangling off of its forehead," it always runs towards me rather than away? They have eyes for crying out loud. If they are more afraid of me than I am of them, why run towards the enemy? Unless, of course, it's a strategy that they were taught in Self-Defense 101, but quite honestly, if I saw something looming over me that is hundreds of times the size of me, I certainly wouldn't be running towards it. I mean, if I was laying out in my backyard, sunning myself, feeling like I'd just died and gone to Heaven as I breathe in the sweet aroma of freshly cut grass, and turned my head to see a group of scallywags coming at me with knives, scythes and boomerangs, wouldn't common sense tell me to RUN? For these reasons and many more that flip haphazardly through my neurotic brain cells, I do not believe in the MAY principle.
After that brief but extreme mood altering moment, it was difficult to fall back to sleep. And so, I did what any other bug fearing person would do. I got up, turned on the light, causing Druck to let out a small yelp before drifting peacefully back to dreaming about mitosis, cells and robots. Finding nothing and fearing everything, I reluctantly turned the light off and gingerly crawled back into bed. I finally drifted off to sleep, dreaming of spiders, ants, flies and, for some reason, a pink Care Bear dancing spasmatically across the room, singing "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain." If you know me, you aren't surprised.
Copyright 2008 liamsgrandma
